What I know I do well...

1) I know I am a good friend. I am loyal and considerate. I make mistakes but I'll stick with you - until I'm given a reason not to.

2) I know that I'm a good nester. I can create a home that is comfortable and loving and nurturing. It's caused some problems when an ex doesn't really want to move on but wants to keep "our home" intact, but I suppose that's a backhanded compliment. :-)

3) I know I'm a good daughter. I may not be the daughter that my parents want me to be, but I do know that I'm the one they will call on when there's a crisis or something needs to be done. It's always been that way and I imagine it will always be that way.

4) I know I'm a good mama. It's still surprising to me that I never had a child of my own, but I'm a great mama to my pups. My ex was a trainer and I know HOW to train dogs that are intended to be working dogs. But, I opt out of the strict obedience that "well trained" dogs are known for and instead opt for "well loved" dogs. They aren't perfect, but they love me and, more importantly, trust me. Maddie is a bit crazed because of what happened when we were separated, but all of the other dogs have been secure, well behaved and a pleasure to be around.

I'm giving myself this self-talk because I'm in the process of deciding what's best for my dear Ru. I thought the end was here tonight. She seems better now that the pain killer is working, but I think the end is near. I'd love to be able to take her to the mountains for one last visit.

I love you Ru. Thanks for 13 years of your special love and your uniqueness.
signed,
Mama