First of all, Ru is okay! Yay and Praise the Lord!
A few hours ago, I thought the story was going to be very very different.
When I urged Ru to get up and go outside at dusk yesterday, I saw that she had soiled her bed. I carried her outside and her back legs collapsed underneath her. The tears started flowing and I wondered if I was going to have to call Dr. Michael to come to the house immediately.
I propped her up and tried to support her as best I could...and she started walking. Once she started, she kept going and did a BIG circle of the yard. She hugged the edges so I kept an eye on her in case she decided to wander off into the woods.
Sunday night I heard the first moan from her when I picked her up from Granny and Grandpa's. Monday afternoon I picked up something for the pain. I prayed for just a little more time to give the medicine some time to work.
I spent last night crying. Crying and praying and hoping for just two more days with her. The guilt was kicking in - I'd spent two days away from her, PLEASE let me make that up with two days of spoiling her. Two more days with mama before you go, sweet Ru.
The affirmations?
People say, "You will KNOW when it's time".
People say, "You'll not let her be in pain".
People say, "You'll do the right thing".
And, I thought all of those things were true too.
But, yesterday/ last night I didn't "know" any of those things. To try to clear my head, I felt the need to affirm the things I DID know.
The Rimadyl is working - It was obvious that she felt much better in just a few short hours. This morning, she maneuvered the yard just fine, enjoyed her breakfast, and even came into my room to play with her pillow just a little bit. What a difference a couple of doses of Rimadyl will make.
Last night I was hoping for just a bit more time. Maybe a couple of more days. One last trip to the mountains, even if we need to go see Dr. Brad when we are up there. Gracie made her transition in the mountains with Dr. Brad.
I know I'll do the right thing for Ru. I know it now. And, I also know - for sure - that yesterday afternoon was just a little bit too soon.
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2 comments:
I know what you mean, about the "knowing." Yes, you know that you will probably have to make a hard decision, but I believe the hardest one is already behind you...the decision not to have any more surgeries. Now, it's just about pain management.
Eventually, you will need to help her cross over to escape from pain that the medicine can't help, or she will pass away naturally. What you "know" is that. either way, she will not be allowed to suffer.
Just know also that your friends are here to help support you and grieve with you. We all understand, not only the process, but the depth of love we feel for our pets.
:(
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